Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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