I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
