You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize