i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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