I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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