From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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