my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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