My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
