I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
