we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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