We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize