may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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