Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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