That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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