You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
