Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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