Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
