guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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