That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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