I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
