i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
