I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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