I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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