Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
