First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
