his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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