Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
