the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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