3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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