Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
