I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
