I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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