i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
