I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
