I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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