Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
