ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize