do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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