glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize