she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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