My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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