It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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