3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
