If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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