actually, I'm a sock model
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
