Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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