I just saw a hot homeless man
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
