I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize