a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize