If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
