i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
