Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
