??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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