People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
