Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
