Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
