that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
