My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
