i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
