So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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