Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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