everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
