I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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