I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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