Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
