Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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