He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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