She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
