Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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