She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
